Growing up, I was always into different sports. I love competing, and have a highly competitive nature anyways. It wouldn't matter what sport it was, I wanted to win. Being a cross-country runner, I always enjoyed running, but I wasn't the greatest at it. I tried my best to running fast, but I definitely wasn't the fastest. I wanted to be, but there were definitely others who where faster. I started being a sandbagger before I even knew there was a term for it, before I ever started climbing.
I ran in the rain on Monday in my Vibram FiveFingers and enjoyed it. But I was thinking of the past when I would become discouraged that I couldn't run as fast as other guys. I would feign some sort of injury or illness that would prevent me from running as fast as I could. Or at least as hard as I could try.
I kept going back through my high school track days (which seem probably rosier than they were). I kept thinking about how I used to run the mile in 5:31, and how hard it would be to run that fast again at that pace, although I probably could run just a single mile close to that time. Then, as my mild wondered, I compared my regular running pace to what I ran in high school. I thought, "how in the world did I go from 5:31/mi to my current best of 7:45?!!" And even on my best days, I couldn't match the pace I had in high school. Then a lightbulb seemingly switched on. Yeah, I don't think I ever ran a 5:31 mile, even on my best days. I think I must've projected the other runners' times onto my own finishing time. I'm pretty sure Zach Irvine probably could've run a 5:31, but I'm sure I didn't.
It was at this point I felt a ton of pressure lift off my shoulders. I felt like years (OK, I've been outta high school for a decade. And a half.) of my own expectations were dashed. I've been feeling for YEARS that my running has taken a dive. I felt like I'd been sandbagging, and never living up to my potential. I guess it's just that I'm living up to lower expectations. That's not so bad. At least I now have a new perspective on my fitness!!
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